Piano, or no piano?
One thing I value the most when it comes to parenting is my relationship with my kids. I am not willing to do anything to harm our relationship. Everything else is a fair game.
This realization didn’t come easily though.
Brian started taking piano lessons since he was 6 years old for three years straight. That was the most miserable three years in our relationship with him. Anyone who has their kid practice piano knows that in order to play well, you have to practice everyday for at least one hour. In order to adhere to the practice schedule and meet the teacher’s expectation, everyday became a battle between Brian and us. We would have a nice and happy meal together then go into a fight right away on piano practices. There were many tears, screams and rebells from him, and many threats from us. The experience became so damaged that it took away all the joy and fun we could’ve had as a family. Finally, Jia sat me down and said, “This has to stop.” I violently objected his proposal but deep down, I knew he was right.
I’ve met kids growing up practicing piano and thanking their parents to not let them give up when they were young.
I’ve met kids who gave up piano half way and complained to their parents later on for allowing them to quit.
I’ve met kids giving up piano as soon as they are independent and resenting their parents.
In my unconscious mind, I was hoping for #1 to happen, fearing #2 to occur and pretending #3 doesn’t exist. In reality, #3 was already happening. Do I really want to sacrifice my relationship with my son just for the hope that one day he will thank me for being able to play piano? NO, NOT AT ALL! As soon as I made peace with myself on that realization, letting Brian quit piano was an easy decision, and the best decision.
Since then, our relationship got much better. Do I still wish him to play piano at the back of my mind? Absolutely. Do I worry that he’s falling behind because almost all his friends are taking piano? Of course! But the tradeoff is we are able to do so many other things together, things that we both enjoy and are arguably much more valuable. More importantly, our relationship got much better. That, my friends is not something I will dampen again.
You see, as parents, we sometimes fall into the trap that our kids have to gain all those hard skills (instrument, art, dance, sports and so on), otherwise they won’t survive for the future. That’s just not true. That’s a lie society tells us. That’s pressure we get from our peer parents. That’s dream we didn’t realize when we were young and we enforce on our kids. If our kids enjoy acquiring those skills, by all means let them do it. If not, it’s not worth the tension created between you and them.
So you might ask, what are the things that are more valuable for life, you both enjoy doing and strengthen your relationship with your kids? The answer will be in the next post. :) Are you ready to do the unconventional? Are you ready to be the daring parent?
