How to like your kids?
Jia and I are very different in so many accounts in life. When it comes to kids, we are seriously different. I LOVE kids. I can’t get enough of them. I adore every aspect of them, the good, the bad, the stinky and the lovely. Jia on the other hand loves the idea of being a dad, but can’t handle the reality of spending time with them. In other words, he loves our two boys wholeheartedly, but he doesn’t LIKE them. See the difference? I once told someone, “I love you, but I don’t like you. I wouldn’t want to be your friend and enjoy hanging out with you.” You see, there’s the subtle distinction between love and like. That’s the feeling Jia had for our two boys.
This was not a big problem till Brian and Cameron reached pre-k ages and became old enough to A. display behavioral issues; B. reflect and realize their dad doesn’t spend much time with them. Jia would not allow either to happen. In the end, he wanted to be the best dad to the boys. He needed to course correct before it became too late.
Creative as Jia, he put his mind to work. Soon he designed a system that not only changed our boys’ behaviors, but made both him and the boys enjoy bonding and hanging out with each other. We call this system “Magic Time”. Please do not confuse it with “Magic Sheet” which Jia built for adults to better achieve goals.
Here’s how the system works,
Identify 3-5 behaviors or habits you want your kids to have. For us, they are,
Go to bed at 8:30 every day
Don’t wake us up when they are up
Speak Chinese during dinner
Let parents eat first before them
Sit still at the dinner table
Establish a token system
Each child needs to complete those tasks daily to earn tokens.
Once someone earns 10 tokens, he gets to go on a date (magic time) with daddy. Only one child gets to go for a given weekend.
Keep the hopes high
The boys had doubts when we first shared the concept of “Magic Time” with them. Why do they want to go on a date with dad? Will dad give them a lesson? They’d rather spend time with mom. It’s okay that they have those doubts. Tell them it’s a secrete and it’s going to be REALLY special. So they keep the incentive to earn tokens.
Spoil, spoil and spoil
Do whatever they want during the magic time (as long as it doesn’t break a law). Really indulge them. Remember, you are on a date. You want to make them feel on top of the world and present the best version of you too.
The first time Jia and Brian went on a date, they went to an arcade. We don’t allow video games at home, so this was very special to Brian. They played so many video games and had so many silly laughs. They even had icees afterwards which is another thing we don’t allow typically.
It just took one magic time, the rest is history. Since the first magic time, both Brian and Cameron are hooked and are so motivated to continue earning tokens so they can go on the next one.
Pick something both of you will enjoy
Remember, Magic Time is not a chore but a special date. Pick something that you both will enjoy and be open to exploring when you are on the date.
The goal for the date is to have pure fun with each other for a substantial block of time, no distraction or time checking.
Some of the things Jia and the boys did
open house tour
play chess and boardgames in the back of the car for an entire afternoon
rule-breaking afternoon
reading jokes to each other
boating
ice skating and more
We will share each activity in more details in future posts. Remember to subscribe to learn more.
The magic time has been a tradition in our family. Jia is now officially the best daddy in our house (of course as there’s only one of him). Our boys have gained the habits we want them to have. Most importantly, Jia not only loves our boys but also LIKING them… during the magic time.
If you face the same struggle of enjoying quality time with your kids, try this system. Check out DareMe 4 Kids to find out the programs we’ve designed to raise our own kids and have helped many others along the way.
