Becoming a Daring Parent
You need to stay strong and safe as he will need you.
The EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) patted on my shoulder before hopping on the ambulance with my 6.5 year old boy unconscious with oxygen mask on the face. I followed the ambulance inches apart, managing some wild turns and yellow light crossing just to not lose sight of it. It started raining hard just like the tears running down my face. Maybe I’ve done it wrong all this time?!
Jia and I had always dreamed about the awesomeness of becoming parents since we married. Two years in, we welcomed our first baby boy, Brian. The joy brought by him surpassed our imagination combined starting Day 1. The smiles, the giggles, the hugs and snuggles were all perfect! Well, it was only perfect till you realized it was not. For us, it was the day before Brian’s 1st birthday. His head swollen twice big and face flattened after drinking half bottle of formula milk for the first time. Not knowing what to do, we rushed to ER passing a few redlights on the way. (In hindsight, we should’ve called the ambulance.) As it turned out, Brian had a severe allergy to dairy. In subsequent months, we found out that he was severely allergic to more than 20 food items in addition to milk. The eczema he had from head to toe since he was a baby was not a normal skin rash like the doctors had claimed, but allergic reactions all along!
Jia and I faced a choice, to live a normal life or to live an over-protected life with Brian’s condition. We decided to do the former. We could’ve felt sorry for ourselves. We could’ve lived with pity. We could’ve turned our lives upside down to minimize the risks. We could’ve done everything for him. We didn’t do any of that because we want Brian to experience the real world, to pick up the necessary life skills early and most importantly to not feel pity about himself when he grows up. In the end, we ALL have our own flaws. Why should having food allergies be treated any differently? Choosing this route means we are to become a daring parent, to do things unconventionally, to live with calculated risks and their consequences, to constantly learn and to fail……
40%.
His blood oxygen level dropped to 40% when he was admitted to the ER from the ambulance. The doctor saved him when he was barely breathing, and said he was a resilient kid. When he woke up, I asked him if he was scared. He smiled, and said no because he knew someone who loved him was protecting him. At that moment, I know we’ve made the right decision to live the normal life. The incident left no negative dent on his emotions and self-esteem. He continued to be the happy, optimistic and caring person. In episodes like this, it’s inevitable to have the sense of guilt and to ask what if. In the end, there’s no regret or going back. There’s only choice you make and the courage to live with the consequence. I feel proud that Jia and I have made the decision to raise Brian the normal way.
Our condition could have been the extreme. Our journey to becoming a daring parent is still ongoing. To you, a parent or parent to be, the journey could be different. Yet, the second we become a parent, we are already on a different path, a path of responsibility, love and role modeling. A path to becoming DARING:
A daring parent keeps hopes up despite the struggles life throws at them
A daring parent admits their pitfalls to their kids
A daring parent never settles and grows better with their kids
What is your journey as a daring parent?
This is Tracy. I blog about our journey to becoming a daring parent. Subscribe and we are eager to hear your story.
