When Mistakes Happen

Russian River! Here we come! This is a much anticipated camping trip Jia and I have been looking forward to for weeks now! We are going to camp out by the river, in the trees, under the starry sky by ourselves without kids! A weekend getaway just for us!

We were driving up on the long winding mountain roads. Every turn presented a new breath taking view: the endless green vineyards extending to the horizon, the wavy mountains at the back, the bright orange sun setting inch by inch glowing the entire sky. I rolled down the window. Wow, the fall breeze passing through my fingers felt so good! “Let’s pull over and take a picture!” I said to Jia.

As we walked back to the car, Jia murmured, “There is no river on the mountains……”. It was just loud enough for me to catch it. I shouted in disbelief, “You are right! There’s no river on the mountains! There might be waterfall, but no river…… River is down in the valley. We are on the wrong route!” We were supposed to arrive at Russian River area in about an hour. 40 minutes in, we just realized that we were driving up and farther away from the destination.

It didn’t take us long to realize what went wrong — Jia missed typing the last digit of the address in Google Map.

The sun was set and it was getting dark really fast. The winding road going down hill all of sudden became scary and not romantic at all. We were hungry. We were tired. We were stupid for not realizing this mistake earlier, much earlier.

I broke the silence, “You are soooo good at driving mountain roads. I would’ve been freaking out and so frustrated by now. You are very calm and in control.” I continued, “You know, I love that we took the detour. If we didn’t, we would not have discovered the mountains and saw such beautiful views!” Jia took a big exhale and said, “You are still praising me? I’m grateful that you are not blaming me for the mistake.” “Why would I?” I said, “It was a truly beautiful detour. I love it! Thank you for making it happen!” The rest of the trip was full of joy and laughs. Looking back, the detour was definitely one of the highlights of the entire trip.

Things could’ve turned to the opposite direction. I had all the reasons in the world to blame Jia. I could let my anger devour him. We could fight on whose fault it was through and through. But that would not do anyone any good. It would not alter the situation. It would probably ruin the trip.

When things don’t turn out the way you expect and you desperately want to blame yourself or others, try below three rescues,

1. Believe all things happen for a reason. We might not be able to comprehend it yet but we choose to believe.

2. Look for the beauty in the unexpected.

3. Be thankful for what we have instead of mourning over what we would’ve achieved.

One of Brian’s favorite books when he was young is “Beautiful Oops!” He would ask me to read it over and over again to him, and could not stop giggling when the author turned something bad into something magical,

• Spill into elephant

• Bent paper into penguin

• Drips of paint into tires and piggy

At the end of the book, something rather profound is shared “When you think you have made a mistake, think of it as an opportunity to make something beautiful.” I think it’s a great lesson for both children and adults.

Sliver lining - Mistakes happen. When they do, it’s an opportunity to discover something beautiful. If it weren’t the detour, Jia and I would not have had this special moment to us. :)

How To Convince Yourself To Write

Everything has a beginning. You just need to start.

I had been wanting to write and to blog for a long time now, while I was still at Google and definitely since I quit. There was this constant inner voice whispering: write, write and write! But I still did not. It became so annoying being torn between wanting and not doing that I finally decided to have a conversation with…… myself.

Question: Why are you not writing?

Answer: I don’t have time. There are many other things I managed to do and took away time from writing. Tasks that don’t require much brain power like replying to emails. Chores that are not typically important like online shopping. I have this huge mental barrier for writing that prevents me from even starting. Once I start, things usually will start flowing. It is also true for book reading, running, or devotion. My mind clearly wants to do it but my body ends up doing something else, usually wasting a lot of time.

Question: Why are you not writing?

Answer: I don’t know what to write. To be more specific, I have too many topics (career, life stories, love stories, parenting, allergy, friendship, dreams, happiness……) I want to write about. I don’t know where to start!

Question: Why are you not writing?

Answer: I have the fear of opening myself up to the world…… Part of me at this right moment is telling me, no, you don’t have that fear. You just write not for others but for yourself. It doesn’t matter how others see or say about you. But the other part of me is very concerned.

Question: Can you find solutions to the above obstacles? If you can remove them, you can write?

Answer:

• The solution to the first obstacle “Time” might be the easiest. I need to put away distraction (my phone) and refrain from finding excuses to use it. I will seal my phone in a place that will take effort to fetch after 9PM and replace it with books, notepads and pens at my finger tips.

• The solution to the second obstacle “Topics” is also comparatively easy. I need to structure my topics and thoughts into themes and sub-themes. Once I have the structure, I can just pick a topic and start writing. Having no distraction will help with that.

• The solution to the third obstacle “Fear” is tricky. In a way, I don’t know how the world will react to my writing… but I can hypothesize:

  • If I know nobody will like my content and I will get the most brutal criticism, will I still write?

    • Yes! Why? I have stories and lessons I want to share. Not everyone will like or appreciate it, but that’s not the goal. Sharing is the goal.

  • If I know nobody will care about what I write, will I still write?

    • Yes! Why? I have stories and lessons I want to share. I’m not seeking approval. Sharing is the goal.

  • If a lot of people like what I write, will I still write?

    • Yes! Why? It’s great my content provides joy to people. I love helping people. But that like is out of my control. All I can control is to write and to share.

  • In summary, me taking the action to write has no connection whatsoever with the end result. Then, what’s up with the fear? Yup, it’s busted. It’s completely not grounded.

This is how I overcame my mental hurdle of writing and that’s why you are reading this post now. You might have dreams or goals you always wanted to go after but never get the time or courage to do so. Maybe you’ve been wanting to start writing! Try those four ways:

1. Change perspective - Decipher the inaction as if you are analyzing a case for another person. You can conduct a serious case study or you can have an interview with yourself.

2. Understand what’s sitting in the way between what you want and what you actually do. Remove those distractions one by one. Make them super hard to do. Note you probably will have to do this exercise multiple times as there are just too many easy distractions nowadays.

3. Define a structure. Put a framework on what you want to do and break it down to chewable pieces. This will make the action less daunting.

4. Visualize. Think about all the possible scenarios you will get in the future if you take the action. Will any of them be convincing enough for you to stop taking the action? If not, why are you waiting? If yes, think again.

Silver Lining: There’s clarity hiding in our jammed thoughts. Take a deep breath and dig it out!

Why Am I Always Positive?

My 10 year old watched me type in the title, and immediately corrected me. “Mom, you are NOT always positive. You get sad and mad!” I pondered his comment while him patiently waiting for my comeback… “That”, I said, is a very keen observation, Brian.” “Being positive doesn’t mean you need to be happy all the time. I can feel sad, mad, hurt, angry and disappointed. But at the end, I still see hope and make the best out of the situation. I believe everything will work out. That’s what I call ‘being ALWAYS positive’.” He nodded, “You are very good at that, mom.”

Have you ever wondered what will be carved on your tombstone? I’m pretty sure mine is “Your positivity is contagious!” It’s what I have been hearing all my life… across times (toddler to current), across continents (Asia to North America), across states (North Carolina to Texas to California), and across works of life (nonprofits, big tech, church and schools). It’s been on my performance review almost every cycle and on every farewell card I received. Here are a few good ones:

• Thank you for your contagious positivity and patience! I envy your skill of finding meaning out of the spaghetti of updates from everyone :). - S

• Thank you Tracy, for everything!! For keeping us sane, for pushing us to do things beyond what we thought were possible and only asking me for ETAs 2 times in 3 years :) Thanks for keeping our spirits high always, I am sure you are going to spread the cheer wherever you go next. - T

• So many people and so much chaos needed to be organized, yet you were able to always find a way to get us all together. Your never-say-never attitude and your smile will be missed! - V

People are naturally drawn to me as if their spirit is lifted up when being around me. And I have enjoyed being The Positive person in the room. I have enjoyed using my positivity to help people to see the possible in the impossible, to comfort them when they are down and to point them in the right direction (UP). Being positive is my superpower just like Spiderman can sling webs and Dr. Strange can bend the space.

It never occurred to me to seek the reasons behind my positivity, not till one day Jia said “Man, you really can find silver lining in every situation. I wish I could do that.” When someone calls you “silver lining queen” and has a #silverliningqueen series on Facebook, you’d better believe he’s serious.

So it dawned on me finally that I need to know why I am always positive. I need to know if my positivity is naturally given, or it can be nurtured. Because if just if positivity can be nurtured, it will help so many people in the world. It’s no longer using my superpower to help and save people. It’s letting everyone have the superpower. Imagine a world where spidermen and spiderwomen fly in between buildings. Villains will have no place to hide.

This is the reason I started this blog, “100 Days of Joy”. In the next 100 posts, I am going to share with you the 100 ways that have helped me achieve positivity, happiness, and joy in life. Maybe and just maybe, I will be able to find the answer to the question if positivity can be nurtured during my sharing and self-discovery.

No matter what stage you are in life. I invite you to join me on this journey to

• Find healing if you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet.

• Share with me what helps you find joy.

• Tell me your thoughts “Is positivity nature, or can be nurtured?”

I look forward to hearing from you.

Tracy